Why is it so hard to think clearly when you are scared, stressed or overwhelmed?
Our bodies evolved to help us get out of danger quickly without having to think about it. If you are being chased by a lion, you don’t have time to try to figure out the best thing to do. So the rational part of the brain begins to shut down, and you spring into automatic action – or inaction.
“Fight, flight, or freeze.” These are the three responses your body moves into when it perceives a threat to your survival – or to the survival of the relationships you depend on for you well-being – and you can’t see any way to get help or negotiate your way out of the situation. Let’s break them down:
Fight. Your body is literally getting ready for battle. Your voice gets harsher and deeper and louder, your eyes glare, you might even snarl, trying to intimidate whoever (or whatever) is threatening you. Your fists clench. Your heart pounds. Aggressive feelings seem irresistible.
Flight. If it seems unlikely that you will be able to fight your way out of the situation, your body will want to run away instead. You will get tense and fidgety. Your eyes may dart back and forth looking for an escape route.
Freeze. If it seems impossible to win a fight and impossible to get away, you may begin to freeze. You might start to feel cold and numb. Your whole body will seem stiff and heavy. You begin to unconsciously hold your breath.
If the situation doesn’t get resolved, you may stay stuck in a lesser version of one of these responses. You could find yourself feeling irritable or jumpy all the time. Or you might feel flat and numb and unmotivated. You can even feel a combination --- your rational left brain can be overactive, full of racing thoughts looking for solutions, while your right brain, which processes emotion and sensation, is shut down and you feel disconnected from your body and your feelings.
None of these responses are wrong or bad – but they aren’t always appropriate to the situation. We are animals, and these are the responses we developed to the kinds of situations all animals face: being confronted by something that wants to chase you or hurt you or eat you, or being kicked out of your family or pack and left to fend for your self. Often the threats we face are uniquely human: dealing with traffic, or an angry boss, or an overdue electric bill. Situations that won’t be improved by fighting, freezing, or running away.
Sometimes the situation just reminds us of something intense that we experienced before. When something scary or overwhelming happens, we hold onto the memory of what happened right before it, so we can keep ourselves safe in the future. If you get yelled at by a man in a yellow hat, the next time you see a man in a yellow hat you might suddenly feel angry or afraid.
Because these responses are not rational – and in fact involve partially or fully shutting down rational thinking – you can’t just think your way out of them. You need to help your body recognize that the threat has been dealt with and become grounded and present. Touch, movement, and mindfulness techniques are among the best tools for doing that. There are many ways to help heal a frazzled nervous system so you will not be forever stuck in survival mode… even better you can thrive!